The Story of How

The Day of My Birthday

It was July 1, 2016 and I was living in Austin, TX with my boyfriend of six years. We had been living together and found ourselves to be best friends, but we had a difficult time in our relationship. We were going to couples therapy because we were having trouble in our relationship learning to communicate and find healthy boundaries. Otherwise, we could be the best of friends. I often found we thought so alike, that he was my universe person and I was his.

On this birthday, I decided we would go to Zilker park, have a picnic, and fly a kite. I got a red heart-shaped kite from one of the kite stores in the area after we had eaten out at the local gluten-free restaurant. We arrived at Zilker Park, we found a spot around the perimeter facing the rocks in the center, next to a tree. We parked near the spring where they had a pool people could swim in. When our picnic was done and we finished flying our heart-shaped kite in the air, we got into a silly fight about where we parked, but instead of letting it go, our argument lasted to the way home.

I ended up going for a walk for hours afterwards, feeling unable to let it go. I didn’t know what to do but to ask for space. When I came back to the apartment, on the night of my birthday, I asked him if he could leave for the night and I could have the place alone to think. He understood and and he cordially said he would find a place to stay with a friend for a bit so I could have some space.

Ice Cream

When he left, I tried to make the day right by going out for ice cream. I went to my favorite restaurant in town that had vegan ice cream. I got a vegan, gluten-free brownie, and then went to the HEB down the street to grab an assortment of toppings like whipped cream, rainbow sprinkles, and maraschino cherries that I thought would make me feel better and solve the pain I was going through that day. By the time I got home, it was around 10pm or 10:30. I stood in the kitchen and put my ice cream sundae together. I took one bite and threw it out, feeling completely and utterly empty and disappointed. I realized nothing could fill the void in my heart.

Calling Out to God

I suddenly said a prayer to someone in the universe, someone who was both within the universe and outside of it: someone who could see me, and hear me. I said a prayer to “God” though I did not have the words “God” at the time, just a visual image in my head. I said to God, “What else is there?”

I wanted to know what was on the other side. I wanted an experience of something beyond. I began to piece together over the last few years or months in Austin going to yoga, classes on the UT campus, and joining meditation groups, that there must be something beyond the physical universe, where there is a constancy to things because here everything is fleeting, and, we, as humans, seem to be hardwired to seek what is lasting or beyond what our temporary experiences here of Earth can offer.

I got nothing from God. When I got nothing, I was so sad and disappointed. I was upset and hurt by God. I said something like, “This is the first time I’m talking to you in 15 years and you’re not going to answer me?! If you were so loving and so concerned about our spiritual welfare and the salvation of souls or whatever, wouldn’t you even be glad that I was speaking to you?!” I started crying. I felt God didn’t care about me. I felt God did not care that I was even talking to Him. I felt like I did when I was a child, trying to have some relationship with this Creator by going to church or asking Him into my heart only to get nothing in return. I felt like a fool as if I just truly opened myself up to God and got nothing in return.

A Prayer for Forgiveness

Then, I began to think, maybe I was asking the wrong question.

I told her I believed forgiveness was a Christian concept, something good and well-intended, but that I wasn’t sure I ever felt forgiveness or anyone had. I believed people who were Christians wanted to forgive or intended to forgive others, but what if you thought you forgave someone in your heart, but never did? I knew the bible said that if we did not forgive others, God would not forgive us, and that scared me. Forgiveness seemed like something impossible or distant.

In my tears, I began to think of all of the years of my relationship, the last six years, the pain, and the heartache. I began to sob and weep profusely at how much emotional pain I was in from my lifetime of events. My heart felt so heavy and weighed down, like there was so much I was carrying and holding onto emotionally that I didn’t know what to do with it.

In my tears and hurt, I said to God, “Fine, if you’re not going to answer me that… then I want to know what it’s like to forgive…”

A Waterfall of Light

When I asked God to know what forgiveness is like, suddenly, a waterfall of pure, white light came pouring into my heart from up above. I felt so completely flooded with such immense peace, love, joy, and forgiveness, that I looked up and was transported to into a Heavenly realm, or what I can only describe as another place or dimension that felt like pure forgiveness, peace, and love.

The Vision from God

I found myself standing in Zilker Park, but everywhere I looked there was this pure, white light that contained only peace, love, and joy. I saw the rocks at Zilker park, the trees, the grass, and the sky that was just shining with this pure, white light or what was the Light of God. Everything looked greener than green. It was like nature had been glorified. I could see this light shining through and within everything.

Seeing Jesus

Out of the Light and the rock that is in the center of Zilker park came the figure of Jesus, who spoke to me in scripture and said, “I am the light of the world.” The sentence, “I am the light of the world” floated toward out from Jesus and towards me and went into my heart or chest area. I said, “Oh my God, I remember this from growing up in the Methodist church.” Growing up, I had went to church and studied the bible almost meticulously or word-for-word during Sunday school, but I stopped going when I was 14 years old.

God’s Glory in the Earth

I saw the white light of God shining throughout the whole Earth. God’s light shines within all of the trees, grass, rocks, and plants, even if we do not see it. God’s light is within it. Nature itself does not contain the light, but it is filled with God’s light because God gives it light and God showed me this. Within nature, there is also darkness or matter, because it is mere creation of God.

Forgiveness for Humanity

I saw our sunny day together in Zilker park, how we ended up fighting in the car. God showed me that, even though I felt badly about our fight, God showed me He wasn’t judging us. I had felt badly about our fight that day, but God and the angels showed me that there is no judgement for humanity. God and the angels aren’t judging us or anyone. Without this, they could not love. I felt so much forgiveness coming from the light of God.

A Straight and Narrow Path

I then saw my then-boyfriend walking away from me to my left over a grassy field, with a tiny, straight and narrow path, and with a hill. On top of the hill was a young tree. I understood that He would become this tree as he believed in God. I had so much love and forgiveness for my boyfriend. I wanted the very best for him. I understood that, for some reason, we would need to part ways in order for Him to find God and become this tree. He needed to go on his own path. I had so much forgiveness for him, even if it meant that he would find someone else in life to be with. I simply wanted the very best for him.

Seven Words

I stood up on the Earth and seven words began to appear before me in the sky or in the air. The words came out from The Light. The words were, “Peace”, “Love”, “Joy”, “Beauty”, “kindness”, “forgiveness”, and “truth.” When the word, “truth” appeared, I looked to my right and I tried to fathom where I was and what was happening. The experience was so overwhelming and otherworldly, I still could not quite grasp where I was. There was just pure, white light everywhere surrounding the whole world, and I was standing there in front of and surrounding by this complete and total purity. I tried, in my scientific mind, to grasp where I was and what was happening by analyzing the possibilities. Somehow the possibility that I was in the presence of an extraterrestrial being seemed possible. I said, “What if I’m in the presence of an extraterrestrial being?”

Seeing God

When I realized I was not in the presence of an extraterrestrial being, I said, “Oh my god, this is God. God has come to me. I am in the Presence of God!” I was so floored that God had come to me personally that I was meeting the living God. I knew I was in the Presence of God The Father, not Jesus, or someone else, but God The Father. He came to me out of the Light almost like a white mannequin. He was in the form of a man, a perfect man who was in his 30s and yet very old and ancient at the same time. He was this perfect man, the man I had been looking for my whole life. I said, “Oh my God, I am in the presence of God!” God has come to me!

Holding the Earth

At some point, God showed me all of creation. I saw from the time of the big bang, to the creation of the Earth, to our present time, and the time of the ascention into Heaven, and it was like nothing. I held the universe, and it was like nothing. All of the physical matter that created it, it had no weight. It was a mere creation. I held the Earth, and it was like nothing. It had no weight, but what did have weight, was God’s glory or presence. God’s presence had the weight. God showed me that anything we put before God becomes idolatry or an idol. I understood there was no judgement coming from God for this. God doesn’t judge us or humanity for having idols, but it is simply not good or beneficial for us to not put God first. God showed me above the Earth and I looked out over the Earth at all humanity, and showed me even wanting to do good, like helping others, can be an idol if we put it before God.

God as a Person

When I realized I was standing in front of God, I was floored. God was like the perfect man, the man I had been looking for my whole life. God had come to me and I could not stop crying and weeping that God had come to me personally. I looked at God as if He came out of the Light. He, Himself, was a person within the Light. The Light is merely God’s energy or God’s glory. It comes out of Him. It is Him, and yet, it is not Him. It is merely the energy coming out of Him, out of who He is as a person. When I realized I could know God as a person, I saw God closely, standing in front of me. I could see inside of His body, filled with millions and billions of diamonds and crystals. I realized I was seeing every soul of the entire universe in His body.

The Throne of God

Suddenly, I was taken to the throne of God. I saw God, way up, seated on a white throne, that was very basic and square in shape, very little decoration. I found myself standing on God’s shoulder, like a tiny angel, looking at His face, holding His face, like He was my best friend, like I had just found my best friend. I was ecstatic! Full of joy and ecstasy, like, “Oh my God, God! Look how awesome you are!!! Look how amazing you are!! Oh my God!!” like I was screaming my head off and could explode with how much energy and excitement I had at just being with Him. It was like the feeling you have of seeing your best friend for the first time in years times a thousand! I was so overjoyed to see Him. It was like He was my best friend.

Scripture in Heaven

At some point, I was taught scripture in Heaven by God and the angels. I saw seeing the angels in Heaven, worshipping and feeding on scripture, like it was food. The scripture was in words of golden light written in cursive. God appeared to me like a ball or cloud of golden light or glory, and showed me that the bible is completely true. There are no contradictions within it, but people can perceive contradictions within it and then from perceiving contradiction question it’s validity question whether or not it’s true. However, God and the angels showed me the bible is completely true and full of spiritual truths. God explained though, to me, when reading scripture, that the most important thing is love. If a person never reads the whole bible, but the walk away with the teachings of Jesus about love and kindness towards others, that this is the most important thing. This is what Jesus came to do, and this is all that truly matters.

Knowledge of the Earth

I then saw all of the knowledge of the Earth, coming from universities and academics, science books and textbooks, and the words from all of the knowledge and books of the Earth. God showed me that while these books contained valuable information, it will never contain or amount to what the bible can give. The words from the universities and books of the Earth were like written in black ink or shadow ink instead of golden light that comes from God. The bible is full of God’s word and spiritual truths, and this speaks to people spiritually and helps them grow spiritually. The words that comes from the bible, far outweighs the words that comes from other books. It is not as though they are bad, just spiritually empty. They will not feed the soul like learning the word of God from the bible.

I stood in awe of God and all that He and the angels had shown me and remember thinking how vast and big God is, how much bigger than He was when I was going to church as a child. I even said, “Wow, God, you are nothing like the church!” I was so amazed, because going to church felt so limited, but this God felt completely unlimited and full of pure and unconditional love.

The Four Angels

I remember seeing angels in the clouds, above Zilker park. The angels were large, and there were four of them with multiple wings. They were wearing white robes and they were standing before the throne of God saying, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!” When I saw this, it was the most beautiful thing. I stood there looking saying, “Oh my God, this is glorious! Glorious!” I stood in awe of them and the song they were singing over and over. I just wanted to be like them, worshipping before the throne forever and ever. You never get tired of it, and I could feel how you never get tired of it. It’s like the most beautiful song you could ever sing. I saw them and said, “Oh My God, that’s who I am! That’s who I want to be!” When I said this, I found myself floating into one of the angel’s body, and then I was taken to the throne of Jesus with the seven angels who stand before the throne.

The Seven Angels

When I saw these angels singing, I wanted to be them, singing to God forever before the throne! When I said this, I found I became one of them, and I found myself as one of the seven angels standing before the throne of Jesus. We were all there, worshipping God before the throne, and there were seven of us. We were standing in front of the throne of Jesus, and He had really big feet. I could see His feet right in front of me and we had trumpets and we were worshipping God. I saw the throne of Jesus, and His throne felt more ornate. There were two thrones: one throne of God, and one throne of Jesus, but I went to both of them. At the throne of Jesus were the symbols Alpha and Omega. Jesus showed me the true nature of time.

The Nature of Time

I stood within a swirling vortex of sparkling white light before the throne. Time never ends and time is eternal. It is past, present, and future, all rolled into one. It is always moving forward and into somewhere and that forward direction is called “the future”. Because it is always in motion and always going forward, the future has already happened, will happen, and will always happen. Past, present, and future are all one and happening at the same time. However, the present moment is where we live. You must live in the present moment to truly enjoy life and that’s where you find peace. When I saw all of this, Jesus quoted scripture to me. He said, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”

Being Moses

Suddenly, I was taken back into time, to the time of the Old Testament. I became like Moses. I saw myself standing there as Moses, as a man in the desert, with God, as this white light shining in the clouds or in the sky in front of him. I remember being Moses and standing in front of God and the Old Testament in the desert, meeting God like He was my best friend. God showed me that He was the same God in the New Testament, but that people had misunderstood Him. He was the same God of love and light, but the Old Testament made it difficult to understand Him and see His true nature of love. I remember, as a child, having difficulty with understanding the Old Testament. I believed it was true and that Moses was true, and I believed Jesus was true and He died for our sins, but I had difficulty seeing the God of the Old Testament and Jesus of the New Testament Jesus seeming like the same person. In my mind, Jesus taught all about love and kindness, compassion, and non-judgement, but the Old Testament God seemed like a God of punishment, so I had difficulty reading the Old Testament because one felt like a God of punishment and the other felt like a God of love, but I feel God was showing me this because I had so much trouble with this as a child, and this was not just for me to know, but for others as well.

Standing Before God

Suddenly, I found myself taken up to a place where I stood before God above the Earth, and I was just standing there surrounded by pure, white light. I remember feeling so completely and utterly perfect to God, just like I was a child. I knew God had many other children out there over the earth, but it was like I was the only one. It was like I was the only one and I felt so completely and utterly loved. I remember thinking how silly it was that people grovel before God, but we don’t need to grovel before God because He loves us. He loves us like children, and we are perfect to Him, so we don’t need to grovel. We can just stand before God. The hands of God came toward me and came into my chest. He put the backs of His hands together and put them into my chest and then pushed away all of my sin as far as the East is from the west. When God did this, the scripture appeared to me, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” I understood that because God has taken away our sin, God and the angels do not see our sin when they look at us. They just see us as perfect children, who we truly are, so we can be free before God.

Forgiveness for Humanity

I saw our sunny day together in Zilker park, how we ended up fighting in the car. God showed me that, even though I felt badly about our fight, God showed me He wasn’t judging us. I had felt badly about our fight that day, but God and the angels showed me that there is no judgement for humanity. God and the angels aren’t judging us or anyone. Without this, they could not love. I felt so much forgiveness coming from the light of God. I then saw my then-boyfriend walking away from me to my left over a grassy field, with a tiny, straight and narrow path, and with a hill. On top of the hill was a young tree. I understood that He would become this tree as he believed in God. I had so much love and forgiveness for my boyfriend. I wanted the very best for him. I understood that, for some reason, we would need to part ways in order for Him to find God and become this tree. He needed to go on his own path. I had so much forgiveness for him, even if it meant that he would find someone else in life to be with. I simply wanted the very best for him.

You are Never Alone

I then saw God looking over Austin, like I was looking over the Earth through God’s eyes. God showed me that I am never alone and no one is ever alone here on Earth. His Light is always there, shining through the clouds and throughout the whole Earth, even though we do not see it. God showed me The light is of the spiritual dimension, and in the physical dimension, we do not see God’s light, but it is still there. The light is shining at such a high frequency that we do not see it physically, with our physical eyes, and can only see it spiritually, or in the spiritual dimension.

The Souls of the Earth

I saw, through God’s eyes, all of the soul’s of the Earth, looking over the city of Austin. Every soul looked like a white crystal ball, full of beautiful cracks and fissures, from which white and sparkling silver light came fourth. I did not see their human form, only their soul. God showed me every soul of all these different religions. There were Buddhist souls, Hindu Souls, Muslim souls, atheist souls, Christian souls, Jewish souls, agnostic souls, etc. God showed me that they are all His children. They cannot not be because they are made in His image and that image is love and light of God. What matters to God is the love a person has, not their individual religion, or their lack of religion. God showed me that even though many atheists lack a religion or a faith in God, it doesn’t mean they are any less spiritual than anyone else. Because they have a soul, they are spiritual, even though they don’t know it or believe in God. God doesn’t necessarily need them to believe in Him, only to love because that love comes from God.

Love Worships God

I saw that love worships God. The love a person or soul had, regardless of their individual religion, came from their soul as a sparkling, white light that floated up toward The Light of God or Heaven and worshipped God. That love-light that comes from a person’s soul reunited with His Light and then became the greater love-light. God is pleased with love and when people treat one another with love and kindness. He showed me it doesn’t matter how many worship songs you sing, but the love you have for yourself and others that matters to God.

Suffering of Humanity

God showed me all of the suffering of the Earth. I saw all of humanity’s suffering and how no soul was ever alone during this suffering, even though they felt like it. I could see through God’s eyes, that He is always with them, even though they felt alone during their suffering. I even saw women being raped and tortured in basements, women who were kidnaped, going through the worst and most horrific types of experiences of life, and seeing how much God loved them and was with them.

God’s Love for Murderers

I also saw God’s love for the perpetrators of these crimes, the men who find, kidnap, rape, and torture women, and that God loves both of them equally. God doesn’t remove His love from anyone, even the worst human perpetrator, even someone who humanity would like to hate, judge, or kill. God showed me His love for these people is equal and the same. God showed me all of the murderers in the bible, from the time of Adam and Eve in the garden, to the time of Moses, King David, and Paul the Apostle. Each of the most renowned people in Christianity and in the bible were murderers, and they are loved and forgiven by God and cherished by others. It is humanity’s job to learn to do the same to others who murder.

God on the Death Penalty

For some reason, God showed me the nature of the death penalty, especially by electrocution in a chair, and how it goes against the values of love and forgiveness that God has. God is forgiveness and the only thing a person needs to do to forgive is accept that unconditional forgiveness that is always there. A person doesn’t deserve to die or be punished by another human being, no matter the crime they have committed, since they are innocent to God and have been forgiven by Him. God is forgiveness for everyone on Earth, and when someone is alive, they still have time to accept this forgiveness and to forgive others. We are all guilty of something, so to think we have a right to punish others for their sins is false. Even though some people on Earth would like to think they are better or different from a murderer, we are not. We are all human and we have all felt or shared the same inner desires at some point. God showed me that whenever someone even thinks of hurting someone, it is the same as having done it, even though people would like to think differently because the reality of it exists within your heart, so God showed me how important it is for people not to put someone to death for crimes of murder, so they can come to know and accept God and His forgiveness.

Being Held by God

Suddenly, I came into an experience, before the beginning of time, when I was held in the arms of God. God looked like a very tall man in a white robe. I was like a new soul. I was like a sparkling bubble full of bright pink light (almost fuchsia) like the color of an azalea. I saw God as a Father and as a Mother. God was a Father, but inside, He was a Mother. God held me in His arms and yet He was a mother or a woman on the inside. I felt this duality within God, this Father-Motherness. I understood that God is male-and-female, mother-and-father, and we are all in this image of male and female as well and God has made us this way. I felt like a new-born baby completely still within my soul.

I knew no fear or anxiety as I had struggled with on Earth when I was being held by God, just total stillness or freedom from anxiety and fear within my heart. I understood during this experience as fear as an emotion that comes from underneath the heart of a person, and makes it jump around, but it is false, because fear is an illusion. We can have stillness with God, like we are a baby in His arms, when we are free from this fear. The scripture came to me during this experience, “Be still, and know that I am God.” I felt and lived the meaning of this and it bought me to tears.

The Trans Community

I understood that this experience of seeing God both simultaneously as a man or a Father-and-Mother would be very important to people on Earth who were trans or who struggled with their gender identity or their sexuality. God can morph freely from one form into the other and He can be whichever form is needed at the time for a person to feel love and comfort. The bible even often describes God in the Old Testament as a Mother and a Father. I was shown by God or understood during this experience of being held by God as a Father and a Mother that there would be a time in the future where many trans people and people who struggled with their gender identity would come out in the open looking for love and acceptance. I had so much love and compassion for them, how they are discriminated against, and not treated fairly by others. God showed me this time is like a test for humanity. God and the angels are both watching to see: How are humans going to treat them? Are they going to love them and accept them or are they going to point fingers and judge?

Prebirth Space

While I was being held in the arms of God, I looked up towards the sky with the Earth in the background behind God as though the Earth were a giant bubble. I understood I was in a pre-birth space, a time before pre-birth on Earth, but a time after we come from a big gap or hole in the sky to come to Earth, where there is a pre-birth realm in the universe within the stars or space above the Earth, yet somehow beneath Heaven. I saw this space as a square cutout in the Earth’s sky or atmosphere, that led to the universe where people came from before they were dropped into the Earth. God did not show me what was up there, whether it was a school or anything, or a classroom, but I know we come from that space above the Earth before we come to Earth in our bodies before we are created in our mother’s wombs. Before each one of us comes into Earth, or before each of us goes into our mother’s or a human body, we are held in the arms of God. Then, God released me into the Earth that was behind Him, and I came into the Garden of Adam and Eve.

The Garden of Adam and Eve

While I was in the Garden of Adam and Eve, it was like a tropical paradise, full of lush green trees and plants. I was with Adam and Eve and stood with them as beings of light. I could not see their physical human form, only their spiritual form, and they were pure beings of white light who danced before God. I stood before God with them and danced with God like I was a child, completely free and happy. I saw myself looking at God’s face, all bright and shiny, full of white light, and then I became like God and looked at myself through God’s eyes dancing at Him, like I was a toddler, very happy and free.

Like a Child

Then, God put me into my mother’s womb, and I saw myself being born from my mother as a new soul. I became like a human three-year-old child, dancing before God, very happy. I understood it is like this love of a mother that God has for every human being when He releases us into our mother’s wombs. Mother’s love their children, but then allow them to go free, grow up, and be happy, hoping always they will come back but never sure they will return. God has to allow us this freedom in order for us to truly live and be happy.

Hearing God in My Heart

As I left God, I danced like a ballerina and felt completely free to explore the world and be happy. I looked up at God’s Light over the face of the Earth, and then God spoke to me audibly within my heart. I heard God’s voice from within my heart and immediately understood that our hearts have ears that can hear, and I would be able to hear the voice of God from within my heart like my heart had speakers in the rest of my journey. God said the words, “Come home.”

The Second Vision

Then, the vision ended and I found myself back in the kitchen. Everything went back to normal. I knew I had only been gone for about three minutes in Earth time. Everything went back to normal. There was no more peace, love, or joy or forgiveness. My heart went back to normal and I felt the true condition of my heart. I felt all of the heaviness, all of the hurt and anger, and hardness that had built up in my heart over the years. I felt weight down, like my heart was made of stone. I began to cry because of how much my heart hurt.

Then, God came to me again, and showed me a second vision.

While I was standing in the kitchen, I felt my heart turn to stone.  All of the peace, love, joy, and forgiveness from the vision had left my and I felt my heart as it truly was from all of the years of hurt and abuse that I had experienced in my relationship and in my life.

God came to me and showed me a second vision, and He took me on a vision into my chest.  I could see inside of my chest like it was a room full of darkness.  I could see my physical, beating heart sitting in there, and I understood that my heart was also spiritual.  My heart looked black.  I understood that our hearts were like a gateway between the physical world and the spiritual world.  What we fill our hearts with affects us on a spiritual level.   I saw there was like a shadow or a veil over my heart and it was like the consistency of paper mache.  This is what many people call "satan" or "the devil" but this darkness is simply darkness and it has no power.  Then, God spoke to me audibly.  He said, "Without Me, your heart is in darkness…"  Then, God said, "but with me…

The white light of God shone from out of my heart and burst out like a ray of sunshine.  The beautiful white Light of God from the vision was living inside of me.  I knew This Light lives within all of us and all humanity, but people don't know that it's there.  The scripture verse came out of my heart and toward me, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5 

I remembered what God had written from all those years ago when I was growing up in church. I began to sob seeing the Light of God come out of the shadowy heart in my chest.

"…there can be so much peace.  Come home."

I fell to the floor of the kitchen and cried.  I put myself against the wall near the window to contemplate what had just happened.  I knew we were all lost on the Earth without God and living in darkness.  I knew what the Christians had said was true and we needed God to be our light.

When I got up from the floor, I could see feel the presence of angels with me and I could see angels in every direction. There were thousands of them surrounding me, everywhere, spread throughout the Earth. They were shoulder to shoulder, touching as if there were no spaces between them.  I looked out across the Earth and could not see a space that was not filled with an angel from Heaven. 

I knew they were kind and benevolent creatures, completely free from fear or judgement, only looking out for the good of humanity, but I could see them now and they were a wonderful comfort to me at the time.

I felt self-conscious when I began to see and feel then, because I knew they saw me at even my most private moments (like going to the bathroom and other things that I worried about), but I knew they only loved me. It is humanity who judges ourselves, or others.  This is because we often have deep-seated beliefs that we are being judged by God or Heavenly creatures, but this is just a projection from our own personal understandings of religion. God and the angels do not judge humanity because this is the oposite of love.

The angels were all wearing white robes, like many of the traditional depictions display. This is how they first appeared to me, and it was beautiful. After this, I could always feel Archangel Michael and Gabriel with me, and all of the seven archangels, protecting me. Even though I did not see them constantly or all the time, I could always feel their presence with me. I think this was God’s way of letting me know after Heaven that I was never alone. 

The day after my birthday, I woke up on the couch left to contemplate what had just happened. “Was all that really real? Did that actually just happen?” It felt too good to be true. I knew I could just go back to my life as an atheist, but that would be too easy. What happened to me felt more real than real, like I just encountered the true reality that existed beyond this one, but I had no exact words for my experience. I knew there had to be other people like me out there. So, I went to Google. I typed in what I knew to type in: “I saw the light of God.”

Hank Williams

One of the first things I found was a video called, “I Saw the Light” by Hank Williams. I couldn’t believe it. Here were these people singing about what I had just witnessed, people I might’ve judged previously because of their culture, their accent, and their faith, yet singing about the very thing I had just experienced. I began to cry, it was so unbelievable to me to hear people, especially Christians, singing about The Light. Hank Williams was 29 when he died, the same age I was when I saw the vision.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyiGHFGCf2U

Preeti Kirshnan

The next thing I saw was a video on YouTube by a woman named Preeti Krishnan, a Hindu woman who encountered Jesus and The Light through a Giddeon’s Bible. I was so touched by her experience of feeling safe and loved in the Light, I wanted what she had with Him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3shDa9bZAM

Akiane Kramarik

Then, I came across a painting of Jesus by a little girl named Akiane Kramarik. When I saw the painting, I knew it was the real Jesus. No other painting of Jesus ever touched my heart before, but when I saw her painting, I knew it was Him as He was when He walked the Earth.

That’s when I knew I needed to give my life to Jesus. So, that evening, that’s exactly what I did.

That night after grocery shopping at Whole Foods, I left the apartment when my boyfriend had returned to give him some space.  I drove out to the parking lot of the Central Market about 15 minutes away and on the way I was praying to God how I wanted to leave the world behind and just give my life to Jesus.  I told God that I didn't my life or anything in it if it wasn't with Jesus, and I didn't want anything in the world without Jesus.  My life felt so worthless and without value if Jesus wasn't in it that I wanted nothing to do with my life.  When I got to the parking lot and prayed, nothing happened.  I was confused.  I felt nothing in my heart, no vision, no nothing.  What had just happened?  I just had this vision from God and here I was crying to Jesus seated on His throne in Heaven, giving Him my life, and nothing was happening.  I even yelled up to Heaven, "Do you hear me, Jesus?!  Are you there?!"  I felt so discouraged and worried that nothing was happening, I began to cry.  I didn't know what else to do but call my mom.

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Calling Mom

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When I called my mom, I sobbed on the phone and we ended up talking for maybe an hour.  I told her everything that had just happened, crying and sobbing, how God came to me and showed me He loved me and all of humanity. 

She began to cry, too, thanking God.  She had been going to a church where her and people on the prayer team there had been praying for my salvation for seven years. I had no idea.

I asked her why nothing was happening because I was giving my heart to Jesus just like I knew it said in the bible.  Why wasn't it working?

She calmed me down and said I want you to do something:  Trust.  I said, "What do you mean?"  I don't understand what that means."  She said, "Trust.  I want you to trust that even though you aren't feeling anything or seeing anything from God, that God hears you."

"Okay,"  I said.  That was very perplexing to me.  I was an evidence girl who trusted in what I saw and what I felt.  What I felt God was asking me to do was to trust beyond evidence.  I was expecting some sort of spiritual evidence that God heard me like a vision or for God to speak audibly to me, but here my mom was asking to me trust without evidence. I nearly had a heart attack.  I didn't know what that meant to trust, but okay.  

The Grocery Store

I hung up the phone and drove to the next grocery store parking lot trying to calm myself down and trust God!  "Trust, trust, trust…" I kept repeating, hoping it would just happen.  I pulled into the parking lot around 3am, trying to calm myself down and trust God that He heard my prayer. 

The Ballerina of Light

There was a tree above my car that reminded me of the tree I saw in the vision.  It was a young tree, that looked beautiful swaying in the wind, but was grounded.  I looked to tree as though God was like the tree, that God was in the tree, and within everything.  When I understood God was with me and within everything, I trusted from within my heart.

When I trusted within my heart, I felt so much peace, love, and joy that completely melted away my fears.  A golden light began to come out of my heart in the shape of a double-helix and a ballerina came out of my heart dancing towards Heaven. 

I dreamt of being a ballerina at a young age, but only started doing ballet at the age of 14, when I was considered "too old."  I gave up on that dream because during lessons I was not favored for my lack of coordination, and I lost all confidence, but it was like God saw my heart and I was a ballerina to Him.  I was dancing towards Heaven and felt absolutely no fear.  I had never felt such an absence of fear in my entire life.

Walking Out of the Apartment

​A car was coming toward me as it turned the corner into the lot as I was walking toward the car. When the car was about 3 feet away from me, everything became slow motion as I entered into another dimension full of white light (and lots of white and pastel sparkles) that was like waterfalls of light going upwards. It was like everything around me in the physical world disappeared and I felt only total peace, love, joy and ecstasy as God came to me and said, “It’s your time” in a sentence that floated toward my heart.

When God said this, I felt a great sense of relief that my life was finally over. God explained to me without words that I’ve completed all of my lessons or experiences that I had come to Earth to learn. He told me that while my life did not look very accomplished on the outside (like many of my friends who became doctors and physicists), He showed me my life was very accomplished on the inside, on an emotional level, where it counted most to God.  I knew this was the only learning that truly counted.

When God said this, I felt a huge sense of relief.  I said something to God like, “Good!  Because I am tired of Earth life!” I had spent years trying to go through high school and college and struggled to keep up with my peers. While I loved learning and was often a teacher’s pet or straight A student, I felt I had a much easier time learning things on my own than when I was in school. I had dreams of getting a PhD and becoming a scientific researcher in the field of biological anthropology or human genetics, but the closer I got to 30, the less it looked like that was going to happen. All of my friends at the time were very successful academically on the outside. They didn’t start college late like I did and were busy becoming doctors, particle physicists, pharmacists, geophysicists, and computer scientists. I hung out with them and felt like we were on equal grounds intellectually, but I was nowhere near the same place in my own career or academic journey. I felt some sense of shame around this because I had hopes and dreams, but when God reassured me that I was very accomplished emotionally on the inside, I felt I could let my ideas of success go and not worry about this part of my life.

Going to Crystal City

I looked down and a vision appeared in my chest around my heart. I knew this was a vision from God and it was or would be God’s way of communicating with me.  It was a vision of a place called Crystal City.

The city was glassy blue and sparkly.   It appeared like a painting to me.  If I could describe it, I would say it looked like Emerald City from the Wizard of Oz, but icy blue.  It was like the city was made of glass or crystal.

I was so excited to be going to this city.  I said in my heart, “Oh my God, I’m going to Crystal City!”  Then, God “came down” to me towards my face or my chest and told me audibly, “On Earth, they call this ‘The Kingdom of Heaven.’” 

It was like God had a sense of humor and was winking at me or using finger quotes when He said this.  I understood immediately from this that the bible uses different language than is used in the other realms or on the other side.

When God told me that I was going to Heaven, and I fully realized this, I was so happy and so thankful that I was counted worthy by God to go to Heaven.  I began to cry.  Years ago, I had a brush with death as an atheist where I choked on a giant pill on Mother’s Day and the ambulance had to be called because my mom could not perform CPR.  I remembered worrying about whether I would die and looking toward a window with fear of the uncertainty of what would happen if I died.  This experience came to my mind, and I thought how grateful I was that I knew my eternal destination and had no fear! 

I had also been an atheist for 15 years and had hurt so many people in my lifetime.  God could’ve been unkind toward me or had any reason to turn me away from Heaven, but He didn’t.  It was exactly as the scriptures or the Christians had said, that if you believed in Him, you would go to Heaven!  The feeling of going to Heaven was like a dream come true. I could not imagine any better reality or future to be living in.  I could not imagine a happier ending to my story.

Leaving My Body

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My soul left my body and I started to go up very fast. My soul was this giant oval-shaped crystal or diamond the size of a football and I lived inside of it and could see out of it in every direction. I knew this was my true self and who I really was.  I understood that we are not our bodies at all, and everything to do with the body is left behind.  I could also see myself from outside of my my soul leaving Earth and going up to Heaven.  It was like I was watching a movie.  I could see and feel myself from within this diamond or crystal as though I was in it and I could see and feel myself from outside of it looking from the outside in, seeing everything at once in from different angles that occurred in interdimensional shifts that appeared like flashes or layers of light.  Each glimpse I took, a flash of light appeared like a pane or a window of glass where I was looking. I was both outside of and within myself watching it all happen like a movie, knowing God was with me (beside me) and above me as He was taking me to Heaven. God appeared with me (beside me) during this experience almost like an invisible cloud and in Heaven, like a cloud.

The Scene of the Accident

I saw my body (Kathryn) on the ground of the parking lot, as though the car had just hit her and she was lying there dead.  I wasn’t afraid of seeing her like this.  It was like watching the scene of an accident in a movie or a crime tv show where the body is laying on the ground. On the outside world or to the people down below, it would’ve looked like a horrible accident had occurred and a young woman just died, but to me, I felt great peace. I said something like, “Oh, there she is” sort of calm an nonchalantly and waved at her like I was waving bye and going off to a better place.

The Golden Cord of Light

As I looked toward the people on Earth, I noticed there was a golden cord of light going through everyone’s chest or heart center. This golden cord connects every human being on Earth. As close or as far away one human being is from another, is as close or as far away the connection or the cord is. The cord ultimately forms people into something like a giant tapestry and our lives become woven together on a spiritual level through these cords.

A Symphony of Souls

God then showed me all of the souls on the Earth being orchestrated like a giant symphony.  I could see every soul as though it were a sparkle of light in an ocean.  It was like seeing a wave on the Earth of millions of sparkling crystals or diamonds and each of those diamonds shining at a different frequency , reaching a different height within their life span, and echoing a specific sound into eternity at the height and the weight at which they were.  The shapes and weights and sounds of each of these crystals or souls which were the souls of the earth had a different frequency and sound and no one was less than the other because each was necessary to create this symphony of music God was creating through them.  Each had a beauty.  I had played the flute as a girl and had wanted to join the Pensacola symphony when I grew up!  I loved music and I think this is why God showed me in this way.  I saw each of the souls producing an individual light that rose up like streams of light toward God or Heaven and God weaving everything together. 

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God showed me that every soul on Earth is in God’s hands and He is working all things together for good. He showed me or explained that it doesn’t mean that everything in life will be good, or that we will only have good things happen to us, but it will be created into an ultimate good. Like, when someone breaks a leg, it isn’t necessarily God’s will, but God will take this bad thing and make it into an ultimate good.  This is what God is doing with every soul and every single life on the Earth that belongs to Him.  This is not just about us, and our lives, but for everyone.  For instance, someone might have a life event that seems not good, but this may be for the good of another soul on Earth.  In this, our lives and our pain can end up being very altruistic.  God also showed me when I was seeing all of the souls on Earth being orchestrated into this symphony of life, that nothing unloving comes from God. He showed me that when something unloving or unkind happens in a person’s life, like abuse, or someone being mean or unkind, it isn’t necessarily God’s will and that it was important for humanity to know this and understand it.  God’s will is love and when we act unlovingly or unkind towards others, it is never the will of God.  God is the love we share and when people act in love and kindness, this is what comes from God.  God showed me or explained to me this verse when he was showing me this:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

(There almost wasn’t a time when a scripture wasn’t revealed to me from the bible when God showed me the vision. It’s like he used scripture to explain what was happening.  During this process, I think He was teaching me scripture and writing it on my heart or chest.)

Jesus as The Father

During this experience, Jesus came to me.  He came to me as a figure of white light, but I knew He was wearing a white robe with a sash around His waist. His arms were open, and He looked like a Father figure or a being of pure, white light.  He showed me that if people would relate to or see Him like a loving Father, they would have a much easier time relating to Him.  God and Jesus are one and the same, so you cannot separate God from Jesus.  This was explained in an instant.  When you look to God, you will see Jesus, and when you look to Jesus, you will see God.  This is what Jesus means when He says, “I and the Father are One.”  Jesus and God are one and the same person.  He wanted me to know or explain to humanity that it is best to relate to Jesus as you would a loving Father, and that He is not anyone to be afraid of. 

When He came to me, I looked over His right shoulder and I saw the Alpha and the Omega, or the beginning and end of all humanity’s timeline on Earth.  I saw all of the world events from the time of Adam and Eve in the garden, to the time of the end where there would be a lot of wars on Earth.  Each event or time in Earth’s history was segmented or separated like little eras.  When I saw humanity’s timeline, the symbols Alpha (Α) and Omega (Ω) appeared next to Jesus.   He showed me that even though there will be many wars and much destruction on the Earth, we do not need to worry about them. 

He showed me that it is “our generation” that will see the return of Jesus and we do not need to worry about this.  He said that, if we have the Holy Spirit, then He will come get you.  He showed me that it’s like Star Trek, where it is like be like, “Beam me up, Scotty!” 

When Jesus showed me this, it eased all of my fears. I had so many fears about the last day when I was growing up in church, worried I wouldn’t be taken, or what it would be like. However, God showed me this is not something anyone has to fear and it’s very simple. God showed me there is no judgement for anyone on Earth. If you belong to Him, He will come get you or beam you up!

God on Healing 

I was then shown by God that not every person on Earth during this time will be healed physically.  He showed part of this is due to a time and place before our Earthly existence called pre-birth that every soul comes through before they come to Earth.  I saw this time pre-birth place like a little square cutout in the Earth’s atmosphere that led to a place in the universe where we jump through or come through in order to get here into our bodies.  In the pre-birth existence or place, each of us creates soul contracts about our lives on Earth.  God showed me that a lack of physical healing could be part of a pre-birth contract and that physical healing is not the most important thing for a person to seek during this time.  God is much more concerned during this time with the heart and for people to learn to forgive one another.  It is like you could have a broken leg, but God is much more concerned with the condition of your heart.  This is much more important to God than physical healing.

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Everyone is Fine

As I was going up, I saw the Earth I was leaving behind. I saw the city of Austin and the grassy parks.  I saw my boyfriend in the apartment where he was at and I saw my mom in Alabama where she was at on the Earth. I looked at both of them and knew they would be “fine.”

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Ecstasy and Joy

As I was going up higher, I began to accelerate very fast. I felt like I was going up through this waterfall of white light like a rocket ship and the feelings of peace, love, joy and ecstasy were increasing exponentially to the point that I was about to explode.  I saw layers of ecstacy that there are on our journey to Heaven, and each layer increases in a measure of 10,000.  It was like 10, 000 x 10, 000 x 10,000 going whoosh, whoosh, woosh!  I was so overwhelmed by the feeling that I was going to explode, that I was almost afraid.  As I was going up, I was full of so much ecstasy, I felt like I was going to explode to the point that I could not contain it any longer and could burst from having so much ecstasy!

Looking Back towards Earth

As I looked down towards Earth over my right shoulder, I was somehow in outer space and yet still surrounded by this white light or white waterfall of light.  The Earth was gradually decreasing in side, but as I looked towards the Earth, I could see all of these hearts. These hearts, however, were like shadow hearts. Their hearts were in darkness because they did not know God. I could feel God and the angels, how there was no judgement for them, but it was simply that they did not know God in their heart, so their hearts were not lit up with the Light of God.  Each of these hearts were connected on a network around the Earth, that looked almost like a cast net, as well, like the souls with the golden cord, but instead of the golden cord, these souls were connected by a cord of darkness.  It was like their hearts were all connected in a network around the Earth, and they did not know God. I felt so sorry for them, that I turned toward God and said something like, “Oh, my God! They were just like me! I was an atheist and didn’t know you, but the story you gave me with the vision and what you have shown me in the last few days could save them.”

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Sent Back

Immediately, I was plunged back into my body. In one second, with no conversations or questions from God, my soul immediately returned to my body.  I saw myself enter my body, at a moment just before the car accident.  I found myself looking back down on myself, headed back toward Earth, but this time Kathryn (she) was standing upright.  God shifted the dimension of time so that the car did not hit me and I did not die, and my soul went back into my body.  The next thing I knew, I was standing there looking at the car toward my right, walking back toward the apartment, watching the car suddenly swerve to avoid me, and I was not hit.

I was so thankful God did not allow the car to hit me and damage my body, because I think I would’ve had a very hard time with this and could not handle it emotionally.  I knew God had rescued me from the experience of going through an actual car wreck and I was sent back without a bruise on my body. 

However, I remembered everything that just happened. I knew God had to change the dimension of time in order for me to come back into my body since I was supposed to die and go to Heaven.

Quickening of the Spirit

I felt so much shaking energy inside of my body, like, “I need to find some women of God.” I was shaking with like a quickening of the Spirit, and suddenly, for one moment, I said, “I’m no longer afraid of death!”

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However, almost instantly, all of my old fears from Christianity came back to me.  Even though I just had this wonderful experience, I had so many bad experiences with church and Christianity, but God showed me when I came back into my body that trauma and things like unforgiveness are stored in the body and not in the soul.  The soul is the perfect pure part of you that comes from God.  Knowing this, I tried to hang onto the goodness of what just happened and what I had just experienced.

God is Good

I walked back into the apartment feeling so much joy and ecstasy, but also all of this uneasiness and worry of what it meant to come back to Earth.  I saw my then-boyfriend who was watching TV and sitting on the couch, knowing He might not be able to logically or emotionally handle what I had just went through and, sat next to him and said, “You know, I think God is good.”